The Difference Between Women & Men

RELATIONSHIPS:

When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her
heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled 'All
Men Are Idiots' Then she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the
breakup, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, 'I
just called to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive
you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But, I want you to
know that there's always a chance for us.'





MATURITY:

Women mature much faster than men.
Most 17-year old females can function as adults.

Most 17-year old males are still trading
baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class.
This is why high school romances rarely work out.





MAGAZINES:

Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women.

Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is
because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male
body is lumpy and hairy and shouldn't be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body.
Most naked men elicit laughter from women.





BATHROOMS:

A man has five items in his bathroom - a toothbrush,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap,
and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is
437. A man would not be able to identify most of the items.





GROCERIES:

A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out
to the store and buys these things.
A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping.
He buys everything that looks good.
By the time a man reaches the checkout counter,
his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car
on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop
him from going to the 10-items-or- less lane.





CATS:

Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.





OFFSPRING:

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games
and romances and best friends and favorite foods
and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people
living in the house.





DRESSING UP:

A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants,
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.





LAUNDRY:

Women do laundry every couple of days.
A man will wear every article of clothing he owns,
including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago,
before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes,
he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat.





TOYS:

Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the
age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.
Men never grow out of their obsession with toys.
As they get older, their toys simply become more
expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys:
little miniature TV's. Complicated juicers and blenders.
Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at
least six 'D' batteries to operate.





TIME:

When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more
minutes, she's using the same meaning of time as when
a man says the football game just has five minutes left.
Neither of them is counting
time outs, commercials, or replays.





FRIENDS:

Women on a girl's night out talk the whole time.
Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night,
most of which are 'Pass the Doritos' or Got anymore beer?'





RESTROOMS:

Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons.
Women use restrooms as social lounges.
Men in a restroom will never speak a word to each other.
Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling
together like old friends. And never in the history of the world has a
man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying,
'Hey, Tom, I was just about to go to the bathroom.
Do you want to join me?'




 

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